"Oh, well, I guess royalty just ain't what it used to be." #106 Claudia, Queen of the Seventh Grade

My scanner is still not cooperating, so I just took a picture of the book. I suppose I should have propped it up somewhere other than my computer screen, but...eh.

I haven't read the book in which Claudia gets demoted to seventh grade and this is her first book since then. This book takes place during March, which we don't find out until a few chapters in, but the month plays a pretty big role.

Claudia's new seventh grade friends have nominated her for Queen, a custom at SMS that dates back to "World War I, or the Middle Ages." Right. There's a "prom" and the King and Queen have to dance to the class song, while everyone screams, "Kiss, kiss!" at them. Sounds....awkward. Claud says that at her last seventh grade prom, the Queen ran away from her kiss calling for cootie protection. To make a long story short, Claudia wins. Naturally. Her king is Mark Jaffe, who, according to Claudia's physical description, reminds me of Trevor Sandbourne. Mark's a joker and doesn't take anything seriously. At any rate, the King and Queen have to organize the prom, which will be held at the end of the month.

Claudia has big ideas for the prom, and hopes the two weeks of prep time will be enough time to pull off her plans. One of her new friends, Shira, suggests that the prom also be a food drive, which her own mother has been hounding her to do at school. Yes, there's all kinds of WTF going on here. Including the class advisor, who tells Claud that many past queens have also had grand plans and they always end up in the toilet.

Claudia names the prom "Lion and Lamb Seventh Grade Jam," since it's March. She wants to decorate half the gym with a cold, wintry side, and the other half will be green and spring-like. She talks the shop class into building a lion and a lamb, and some others paint them. They're hideous, Claudia even says so.

The lion looked like a hyena. He had this stupid smile, with human-movie-star teeth. His mane had been made from scraggly brown yarn that hung limply from his neck. His skin was a mottled yellow, as if he'd fallen asleep in a bed of daffodils.

The lamb was even worse. It had been painted totally white, no detail whatsoever. [Not everyone's an artist, Ms. Fancypants Shadowing!] As if it were wearing a a straitjacket. Its eyes were crossed and angry looking, its tail was curly like a pig's, and obviously someone had goofed up on the mouth, because it was one big black blotch.

Well, of course, Claudia runs into all sorts of problems planning this so-called prom, and King Mark is a total jerk about it, although she does start to have some feelings about him. Things do start to come together and when Mark kisses her during their dance, she kisses him back. Thus making Josh insanely jealous. Well, maybe not insanely jealous, but he gets pretty uptight about it. Claud doesn't notice that he's hot for her.

During this whole book, the rest of the BSC Kristy and Stacey are total bitches to Claudia. Especially Kristy, and Stacey makes some pretty snide comments. Mary Anne doesn't really say much, and Abby doesn't either, but Kristy completely disregards Claudia's ideas for the prom (she won't let Claudia talk about them at the BSC meeting because they "aren't club business") and shoots down Claud's new seventh grade friends. [This was one of the books where I want to bash Kristy's face in.] Stacey is a complete snob about the line between seventh and eighth grades, and she makes her views very obvious. Stacey even tells Claudia that because she's thirteen, technically she's an eighth grader and that she shouldn't even accept the nomination for seventh grade queen. STFU, Stacey, if you were nominated for it, you'd be on it like ketchup on scrambled eggs.

Subplot: Chronologically, this one must happen pretty soon after Mystery #13, because there's like six references to it in one paragraph. The fairly boring subplot is that the Addisons need a regular sitter for every Thursday for a month. They've been going to family therapy, but Sean is still being a little butthead and he thinks he doesn't need a sitter. He thinks a supervisor is sufficient (what's the difference?) and after a week or so, his folks start to agree. Turns out that Sean's been getting hassled by a classmate about being babysat. Stacey squashes that when she calls the classmate in question and asks the father if he'd like to use the services of the BSC. He declines, saying his niece is very close to his son. Sean then blackmails his classmate to keep him quiet about being babysat, otherwise he'd tell everyone that's the kid's name is Melvin. Yeah, it's dumb.

Continuity Issues:
*Claudia says that each grade picks King and Queen, but she never says who else wins. She just talks about the seventh graders.

*Time Warp Alert! The book where Claudia and Josh break up also takes place during March. So did they go out for a year? Or just a month?

WTF Moments:
*What does "shagging fly balls" mean? Is it supposed to be "snagging"? Whatever it is, Kristy can do it all day.

*Planning a prom in less than a month. Um, not gonna happen? That's how you end up with a hyena and an angry pig-lamb.

*Claud's seventh grade friends think the song "Pomp and Circumstance" is called Pumpin' Circumstance.

My other WTFs I worked into the description. The teacher, Stacey being a heinous cow, etc.

Other Notables:
*This is the only book I've read that doesn't say "ew!" when talking about Stacey's insulin injections. Way to teach kids to fear shots, Ann Martin.

*At the end of the book, Claudia calls out Kristy on what a bitch she is. Kristy, shockingly, apologizes.

*Claud's new seventh grade friends are just like the BSC characters but younger. Joanna is totally Kristy, Shira is Stacey but not from New York, and Jeannie is Asian, so Claudia has a special bond with her. Haha, Abby keeps calling Josh "little dude" and "elf." He must be short.

*Even though this was a Claudia book, there was only one outfit, and it was the "Victorian satin dress" that she wore to the prom. And that's exactly how descriptive it was.


I think my next book will be either Mary Anne or Mallory. I haven't decided yet. Also, I haven't gone book-trolling yet; I'm gonna go Thursday.