"How could I wait two whole weeks to have my picture taken?" LS #5 Karen's School Picture

I was at my dad's over the weekend and decided to bring home what was left of my meager collection of Baby-Sitters Little Sister and Sweet Valley Twins books. I think I read the "real" series first, and then discovered the LS and SVT books. [Were these spin-offs for the little sisters of BSC and SVH readers?] Both are lame. I can feel my IQ slipping with each completed chapter.

In Karen's School Picture, Karen has been getting headaches and such while at school, which fade after being home for a few hours. During one of her and Andrew's weekends at the "Big House," Kristy and Karen are reading a book together at Karen's bedtime, and Karen quits after like 2 pages, because her eyes hurt. Talking to Watson about it, Kristy realizes that Karen might need glasses. Like Kristy knows more than her stepfather. Watson agrees, and when it's time to go back to the little house, he talks to his ex about getting Karen an appointment with an eye doctor. She agrees and off they go. Karen gets to miss an afternoon of school, about which she's excited and her classmates are jealous.

Until the next day, when she shows up in her new glasses. Karen's all vain about them, and everyone tells her she looks fine. Insecure much? "Yicky Ricky" Torres is the one who makes the most fun of her, calling her about 14 different names. He calls her something dumb every time she switches between her reading glasses and her regular glasses. You'll get your comeuppance, dick. Karen makes a list of mean things she can do to Ricky to get back at him and takes it to school, but he's absent. When he shows up the next day, he has glasses, too! Karen feels bad so she throws her list away.

Meanwhile, Ms. Colman has announced that school picture day is in two weeks and Karen is thrilled. She can't wait to have her picture taken. She practices smiling in the mirror "like a movie star." She comes down of her high when she gets the glasses though. And panics at the thought of having to wear them in her picture. She panics some more trying to decide which pair to wear for the picture.

In the end, when it's her turn to pose, she runs back to her classroom, gets the extra pair, and hangs them around her neck for the picture. Problem solved! And I lost 7 IQ points reading this atrocity.

Continuity Issues:

• Not much for continuity here. The only thing I really noticed was Karen's handwriting. In BSC SS #8, Karen writes in all caps. Here it's not.
  

WTF Moments:

• The biggest thing I hated about reading the LS books was the lack of contractions. I think it bothers me more reading it now as an adult than as a child. Little kids don't say "I cannot/do not" they say, "I can't/don't." I think the only person who used contractions in this book was Kristy.
• Karen gets snotty while at the eye doctor's office. To the doctor, to the receptionist at the optometrist's office (the "person who makes glasses." Thanks, Dr. Gourson!) and even her own mother. She should be beaten. [Karen, not her mother. On second thought....]
  
• Karen's mother introduces herself as "Mrs. Engle." I shall transcribe it for you, because you really want to know.

  "Hello," Mommy said to the woman. "I am Mrs. Engle. This is my daughter Karen. We have just come from Doctor Gourson's office. Karen needs two pairs of glasses." The woman looked at me and smiled. "Two pairs of glasses for Karen Engle," she said. "Brewer," I corrected her. (That is another problem with being a two-two.) Mommy explained about our names.

• Why didn't Mommy just say, "I'm Lisa Engle and this is my daughter Karen Brewer"? Stupid. I don't think in my entire married life I've introduced myself as Mrs. Last name.
  
• There is a drawing/picture of Karen trying on different glasses frames. On her shirt is a drawing of a couple kissing. Very appropriate for a 6 year old.

• Karen's list of Mean Things to Do to Ricky Torres? [She decides she needs 10 things on it.]

  1. Tell him he smells. 2. Put my strawberry eraser in his desk and tell Ms. Colman he stole it. 3. Tattle on him to Ms. Colman about the names he calls me. 4. Put a worm in his lunch box. 5. Put pepper (lots of it) in his lunch box. 6. Hide his reading book. 7. Tell him his eyes have turned orange. Then have Nancy tell him his eyes have urned orange. Then have Hannie and maybe Natalie tell him his eyes have turned orange. Laugh at him if he checks them in a mirror. 8. Tell him that Mollie Foley from Mrs. Fulton's room says she's in love with him and wants to kiss him on the playground. 9. Ask him to see-saw with me during recess. When my end is on the ground, I'll roll off and say, "Ooh, my leg," like I'm hurt. He will crash to the ground. 10. Tell him he's adopted.

• Heh, Karen told Andrew he was adopted right after Emily joined the Big House. Andrew was "very upset." Somehow, I don't think a four year old really understands what adoption is.
• Karen doesn't want to do #2, because "it was really mean, plus it would be lying." So just go ahead and verbally abuse your classmate. Destroy his self-esteem. Go post mean things on his MySpace.
• The thing with the two pairs of glasses: The pink pair is for "all the time" and the blue pair is just for reading. So, near-sighted, far-sighted? What's going on here?

I didn't really want to do a LS book, but since I have about a dozen to make fun of, I might as well.